If there is one thing that consumes most of our lives, it’s the bonds of relationships. When we are born, we are fortunate enough to be blessed with already defined beautiful, loving, unconditional relationships. The problem begins when we start choosing them. These webs of warmth and envy, love and despair encircle us for the rest of our lives and we just continue being woven; willfully, forcibly or unknowingly; into these intricate bonds. The most crucial time is one when we are most vulnerable to our own emotions and we fall prey to our own desperations.. that is exactly when we start looking for our life partners. My experiences with life; and with people and friends in general have lend me certain teachings..
So, how does this story of ‘boy meets girl’ or vice versa continue and sustain itself? I think things would be better understood if we take a look at them specifically from the Indian perspective. Take, first, the case of girls. There is no doubt that we are progressing; and progressing at a fairly good pace, at least now. Times are changing and parents have started to accept even their daughters as assets. Today they are, more than ever, interested to invest in them. They realize their potentialities and know their capabilities. As a consequence, we see women competing with men in all the spheres of life. They are getting the best of education, attention and opportunities. The horizon of their thinking is expanding and women in our country have become better adjusted in the competitive environment. BUT, if there is one thing that is the stumbling block in the complete development of their personality and self-realization, it is their inner dissonance related to the contradictory incidences in their lives. While at one time, we commit to the cause of providing equal opportunities to womenfolk, the other part of ourselves fears from giving them complete freedom to explore themselves. In spite of having acquired all that is required to venture into difficult and new aspects of life, they find themselves restricted to the boundaries of time, space, nature and finances. Yes, they get opportunities..opportunities to learn; but their freedom to test these learnings in real life situations exists only as a wishful thinking. Their experiments with life begin and end mostly in the teachings of their parents. I have been lucky enough to be into many societies and bureaus at school and college levels, been into discussions in the company; many a times I see women giving up soon. No doubt, there are few of them who fight it out, but those few are not the topic of discussion today. I see that their ability to argue and stand for themselves is weaker than that for men because they have never been given the permission to make their own hypothesis every time and test them until they reach to the correct solution. The creativity in them never finds an expression and it builds up inside as a frustration. There were times when women in our country used to be so neglected and suppressed that they didn’t even realize that they deserved to be treated as equals to men. I would say, they were better off then. Today they know their potential but still find it difficult to give an expression to it. Their situation has certainly become worse. They are forced to lead two lives. The aggression in them never gets manifested in their behavior and they are more like goblets of fire from inside. It is this contradiction that is taken into relationships when they land into one.
So, how does this story of ‘boy meets girl’ or vice versa continue and sustain itself? I think things would be better understood if we take a look at them specifically from the Indian perspective. Take, first, the case of girls. There is no doubt that we are progressing; and progressing at a fairly good pace, at least now. Times are changing and parents have started to accept even their daughters as assets. Today they are, more than ever, interested to invest in them. They realize their potentialities and know their capabilities. As a consequence, we see women competing with men in all the spheres of life. They are getting the best of education, attention and opportunities. The horizon of their thinking is expanding and women in our country have become better adjusted in the competitive environment. BUT, if there is one thing that is the stumbling block in the complete development of their personality and self-realization, it is their inner dissonance related to the contradictory incidences in their lives. While at one time, we commit to the cause of providing equal opportunities to womenfolk, the other part of ourselves fears from giving them complete freedom to explore themselves. In spite of having acquired all that is required to venture into difficult and new aspects of life, they find themselves restricted to the boundaries of time, space, nature and finances. Yes, they get opportunities..opportunities to learn; but their freedom to test these learnings in real life situations exists only as a wishful thinking. Their experiments with life begin and end mostly in the teachings of their parents. I have been lucky enough to be into many societies and bureaus at school and college levels, been into discussions in the company; many a times I see women giving up soon. No doubt, there are few of them who fight it out, but those few are not the topic of discussion today. I see that their ability to argue and stand for themselves is weaker than that for men because they have never been given the permission to make their own hypothesis every time and test them until they reach to the correct solution. The creativity in them never finds an expression and it builds up inside as a frustration. There were times when women in our country used to be so neglected and suppressed that they didn’t even realize that they deserved to be treated as equals to men. I would say, they were better off then. Today they know their potential but still find it difficult to give an expression to it. Their situation has certainly become worse. They are forced to lead two lives. The aggression in them never gets manifested in their behavior and they are more like goblets of fire from inside. It is this contradiction that is taken into relationships when they land into one.
What about the other sex? No denying they are always in demand in our society. Being devoid of certain biological and behavioral characteristics that women inherit, men undoubtedly get more chances of exploring the world around them. They eventually grow into more tactful human beings with a better capability to fight for themselves. Their self is relatively freer and they are more welcoming to people, relationships and changes. However, they too are crippled by the familial obligations to some extent. The patriarchal set up does try to put them into a rigid frame, but the things are changing for better now. Education, especially, has opened the floodgates of opportunities and diverse avenues are gaining ground and acceptability. They move out sooner and are expected to be the earners. The reputation of the family is built on the success or failure of their professional life. The pressure to excel is immense on them and the need to prove their worth is very high.
Its strange to see that two such different people get together and decide to hang out with each other. But somehow the relationships today easily get into the mode of degeneration. When a woman enters into one, she looks for a refuge, a sink where she would pour in her aggression and an open space where she would breathe freedom. When a man enters into one, he looks for a refuge where he can expect to experience the stillness, away from the fast running competitive and cruel world. The purposes of both the parties lie contrary to each other and things start falling apart soon because the capacity and intention of both to make compromises have gone down. Unlike in the past, now we do enter into relationships with a lot of expectations. And this is how we enter into cycle of relationships and breakups; and reach to a conclusion that all men and all women are alike. Yes they are, but the way they need to be taken care of, certainly depends on individual differences. My intention lies in giving a clear picture to the people in relationships so that they plan a better tomorrow and understand their partners better.
the maladies are intrinsic in almost every kind of relationship be it chemical,physical,emotional,spiritual,atomic or even subatomic.Even if given a freewill, one can't get rid of these complexities.They are like nature's well planned well decided gift to us. Where some of them are forced on us,some lay with us right from our birth.The point lies in managing them at our best,whatsoever be their nature and cause.This makes our job done.We have not been provided with the tools to control and change almost everything.With insufficient weapons at hand, winning each and every war sounds inspiring but unrealistic at the same time...
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